Monday, May 28, 2007

The long awaited wedding meme from the gal who didn't have a wedding

OK, I promised that I would do this meme on our anniversary, which is today. Not sure how it will work, to answer a wedding meme when we didn't have one, but I will do my best! You may want to get a cup of coffee or tea- this could take a while!

1. Where/How did you meet?
We met in 1986. I had just started a new job at an immunodiagnostics lab- we made cells and supplies for path labs, and shipped them out every week. I was in the lunchroom, filling out my W-2 forms, when in walked the most beautiful man I had ever seen. He was wearing a white lab coat, jeans, and a flannel shirt. He had piercing blue eyes, and long hair pulled into a ponytail. He sauntered up to me, looked at what I was doing, and told me I should claim x many deductions. He then poured himself a cup of coffee, and sauntered back out of the lunchroom. I said nothing out loud, but thought to myself, "Who the hell was that nosey, beautiful man?"

2. How long have you known each other? Almost exactly 21 years to the day.

3. How long after you met did you start dating? I will try to make a long sordid story much shorter than it is: We didn't really date- we worked together for about 2 years. He was married when I met him, and I became good friends with his wife, too. We ate lunch together, and I played softball with he and his wife, etc. We often worked in the same lab, so we got to know each other well.

Then, after 2 yrs of working at the lab, I decided to travel to Europe. I stayed with not-yet dh and his wife before and after my Europe trip. Shortly after I got home, 2 things happened- I started having seizures, and his wife left him for someone else. Not-yet dh and I became platonic roommates for the next two years. During this time, I supported him as he worked on emotional healing, and he supported me as I worked on physical healing. I was also dating. It is wierd now, that dh knows all of my dating past. During this time, I fell so madly, deeply in love with him, but didn't think anything was ever going to happen between us.
I was dating a guy whom I knew was my second choice, but I was trying to make it work with him. It was a long-distance relationship, and he was not supportive or helpful when it came to my health problems. I broke it off with him, and decided I was never going to be happily married to anyone.

4. How long did you date before you were engaged? After being platonic roommates for 2 years, not-yet-dh and I became not-platonic, but he was still scared of commitment and love. In May 1991, he went on a month-long trip to see his 9 siblings in Southern Cal. While he was gone, a very nice man asked me to go out. He was VERY interested in me. To be completely honest, although this man was very kind and handsome (and rode a motorcycle), I knew I was never going to love him, as my heart was already taken with not-yet-dh. But when he asked me out, I said yes, just to make N-Y-DH jealous. Luckily, it worked. When N-Y-DH called home to check in and heard I had a date, he asked if I was going. I asked him if there was a reason I shouldn't go out with this nice man, who was obviously taken with me and not afraid to show it. There was silence on the phone line. I went out, and only had an ok time. My heart really belonged to N-Y-Dh.

5. How long was your engagement? After going out with this man twice, it was very apparent that he was serious about me, and wanted a relationship. I didn't go out with him again, not wanting to lead him on, but didn't tell N-Y-DH. I decided to be brave and be true to my heart. When N-Y-DH came home from his trip, I met him at the door with a piece of paper on which I had written 2 pages of what I now refer to as my vows to him. He burst in the door, insisting on talking first, and started shoving a piece of paper at me.

Turns out, most of dh's brothers and sisters are on their 2nd (one on her 3rd) marriages, and have children, and are very happily married. They showed him he could have a happy life after a divorce, and made him realize how much he wanted me (I still say knowing someone else was bringing me roses and telling me how beautiful I was helped a great deal here.) to share his life.

6. How long have you been married? Right then and there, we exchanged vows, and pledged our love. It only took me 5 years to marry him! 16 years today.

7. What is your anniversary? It was May 28th. We got pregnant that very night, lost that one, and were pregnant again at 3 months together. In hind sight, I probably would not have done it this way, but this is what happens when you are a "fertile Myrtle" like I am.

8. How many people came to your wedding reception? We didn't have a wedding- were never even going to actually get married, but did get legally married when I was 7 months along with the Fine Young Man. The health insurance we had at the time was going to demand a heel poke of the baby to prove paternity every time we made a claim (sucky insurance!!), so we found a justice of the peace, and he came to my mom's house. My best friend from high school, her husband, her mother (who was like a mom to me), our future kids' Godparents, and my mom were our witnesses, and the two of us, stood in my mom's dining room for the "ceremony".
When the J-O-T-P asked us if we had vows to say, I basically ran off some of the ones I had written down, and then when he turned to dh, he said, "Ditto." We still say that today when one of us says I love you.

We don't celebrate this day as our wedding day, but I do remember it was sometime in February.

9. What kind of cake did you serve? No cake, but it would most likely have been white, with coconut. And fresh flowers dripping down and around it. In other words, this is what it will be if we get our anniversary party some day.

10. Where was your wedding? Exchange of vows took place in the 16 X 20 ft A-frame log cabin we were living in at the time. Pseudo wedding at my mom's house.

11. What did you serve for your meal? No meals.

12. How many people were in your wedding party? See # 8.

13. Are you still friends with them all? Yup. Love them, love them, love them.

14. Did your spouse cry during the ceremony? Nope.

15. Most special moment of your wedding day? Honestly? Just knowing that all my patience with this man, not pushing, etc. had paid off. At one point, I thought I was going to have to settle, or to never be married, and then to have him decide he wanted me, was so wonderful.

16. Any funny moments? Just both of us standing there, in the doorway, trying to talk at the same time, and get the other to listen to us declaring our love.

17. Any big disasters? Although I guess (honestly, I am not sure it would ever have mattered- we have always been committed to each other) I am glad we ultimately got legally married, it really made me mad that we had to- I felt forced into it with the whole insurance thing.

18. Where did you go on your honeymoon? Just before we did the legal wedding thing, we went to Port Townsend, and stayed at this beautiful B & B, where they had a tower room, "dripping with lace" as the brochure stated, and there was a big clawfoot bathtub in the room. It stormed and was beautiful to watch from the tower. THere were these cute teddy bears and teddy mooses on all of the beds, and dh bought me one. The Fine Young Man still has Randy (for dh thought he was a randy-looking fella of a bear) on his bed.

19. How long were you gone? A weekend.

20. If you were to do your wedding over, what would you change? Well, we were really too poor to have a wedding, even if we had wanted to. What I want to do, is at 20 years, have a huge anniversary party, and do it up right. An off-white (I look sick in pure white) simple dress, lots of dancing, and 400 guests.
21. What side of the bed do you sleep on? THe right side, due to neck injuries, I have to sleep on this side, and that way, I can still spoon with dh.

22. What size is your bed? Queen. Dh has been saving these gorgeous redwood planks, and someday will make me a king-size 4 poster bed. Someday.

23. Greatest strength as a couple? Humour and devotion. We have been through some tough stuff, but we are committed.

24. Greatest challenge as a couple? Starting right off with kids was hard. Making time for the two of us, and making our relationship important has been hard in the past, but I notice the more we do this, the closer and stronger we are together.

25. Who literally pays the bills? As Jess said, "Whoever gets the cut-off notice! haha." This has been an issue in the past, but at the moment, we are both working together on them, and that makes it easier.

26. What is your song? Don't have one. There are many songs we both love, and when we have our huge anniversary party, I am going to play them all!

27. What did you dance your first dance to? n/a

28. Describe your wedding dress: When we met with the J-O-T-P, I was wearing black (maternity) slacks, my teal silk shirt (still have it, don't fit it), and a floral blazer, which didn't button over my little baby belly.

29. What kind of flowers did you have at your wedding? n/a, but they would have been roses, probably the Peace variety.

30. Are your wedding bands engraved? We didn't have rings (always had the story we couldn't afford them and didn't care anyhow) until our 8th anniversary. Dh surprised me with a beautiful ring- Celtic designed 4 strand unbroken braid to represent the four of us. Not describing it well. I found the site, but couldn't find our rings, but you can get the basic idea from looking here.

31. How old were you when you got married?
I had just turned 26, and dh was 36, almost 37.


andie said...

Ptht. So typical. ;)

Seriously, what a cool story!

I still haven't done it. The meme, I mean. I am married.

Needleroozer said...

I would still love you even if you weren't married.

Amy in Orlando said...

:::sniff:::: so romantic! Happy Anniversary!

Bridget said...

It just goes to prove that the best things are worth waiting for. Rusty and I have 2 anniversaries, we've been married to each other twice, so I will have to do this meme in July. What a great story!

Pamela said...

It's like a walk down memory lane ~ I remember many of those milestones like they were yesterday!

Thanks for sharing,

P :)

Needleroozer said...

you are a sap! ;-)

Two weddings? Sounds like a story there!

It has been amazing knowing you all this time and sharing our kids with you! Thanks for being such an amazing Godmother and friend to the kids and our family!

Pamela said...

Ahhh.... you are so welcome. What a journey of memory making, eh?!

Hey, what does "meme" mean? ie: wedding meme



J-Lynn said...

Wow, what an ADVENTURE!!! I really enjoyed reading it!! A very real, very honest story about TRUE love - not the fairy tale kind. Who made up that fairy tale crap anyway? LOL

DH and I really want to have a big Anniversary party too. We were aiming for 10 but we didn't know back then we would still be poor and have 5 kids so let's hear it for 20 or 25! ;-)

Loved reading it - I'm glad you both found true love.